High And Dry?

 So, I've been able to fight a lot of crap off lately. Trying to be duck feathers in the rain. But doesn't a duck get wet on it's skin sooner or later?
 I've had the great opportunity to make new friends, open old friendships into new ones, and also pull in my own thoughts and feelings the last few weeks. It seems though, no matter how a person tries to protect themselves from a downpour, something seeps in. It makes it tough to figure things out when the "rain" finds a chink in your "duck feathers". Do the feathers just give up? NO. They are made to repel moisture. But regardless the physics that make up "duck feathers", there are variables that create weaknesses in the protective layer. Even though these things that compromise the protective layer may be unexpected, it still seems very uncomfortable to get penetrated by them. But when you should have seen the irritant coming, does it make the invasion a more tolerable discomfort? Not in the least......So, I ask, do I hide in the high and dry area? Or just where it's high....

Being Responsible

So, since my grand daughter Sophia passed, I have been a very skeptical, bitter man. Then, Khloe came along, and really did change my view. If you follow this blog, you know how that went. I have since been through a lot of crap, which I brought on myself. Is it directly due to the death of our angel Sophia? Very possible, and I guess I never thought about it. Very possible, though. Anyway, I felt no responsibility or care at all. I can not explain why I went on such a "spree", nor will I try. Not now. But in hindsight, I blame nothing on anyone else. I was not forced to venture out, and leave everything behind. I did it on my own. But I was still very, very bitter and confused, and I suppose I still am. Seeing Khloe's face makes me feel a lot better, but I have to face the fact, that I am still pissed off at the World, at God, at the Universe, whatever or whoever. The death of a child is unacceptable. How can I get back to a "Happy" place?

New Days Ahead

 So, I sit here in my studio, just finished some prep work for today's program of Bowling for Radio, and I am going down my list of things before I go live. I added "Enter post in your Blog, dummy" to the list yesterday. I'm so glad I did.
 I have a picture of my grand daughter, Khloe, as my laptop background, sitting in her hi-chair, waiting for me to feed her some cereal. She's looking at me as if she's saying, "Jeez old man, really?". So expressive and adorable. I know parents and grand parents seem to make things up to assure their kids are smart and cute. But I think she really meant it. Well just look at the picture, and judge for yourself!

 Anyway, I am reminded again of the beauty of life, and the progression, learning, growing we all do. Even when we are 47 yrs old...

It's Been a While...

   I was reminded by a very, very close, personal, loving being, that I have neglected my blog. I was so oblivious to it, with all the shit in my life, and trying to get to a reasonable calmness in it. And especially, the reason I began this blog. The bitter hatred I was beginning to let empower my life, and the reasons for "waking" up.
 Khloe is still the most important part of me, that keeps a breath in my chest, a beat in my heart. My wife and I are working crap out the best we can. I can't believe she actually forgives me for my B.S., and sometimes, I know she really doesn't. Who the hell can blame her? Not only her, but the many I hurt. I did not mean to hurt anyone, I assure you and myself that, but it happened. And I refuse to try to explain my actions. It wouldn't do any good anyway. Still happened, and still the same. I do wake up, and wonder why Sophia was taken from us. It's still the first thing I think of. And then seeing my beautiful, healthy Khloe. God, what a wondrous part of nature! She makes me feel so whole, and so needed. So happy....